Stop, Watch, and Listen

This goes for both men and women of all races, but yes mostly I’m focusing on the bc. Black women please stop letting black men and black women who don’t have your best interest at heart make you feel guilty for wanting to be married. Please stop letting black men and women who don’t have your interest at heart make you feel guilty for not wanting to be some mans baby momma or let people in the bc guilt you into man-sharing (oooh just plain nasty!) Get around those black men and women as well as others who do have your best interest at heart. If you have to drop the negative and toxic friends, family, associates what have you out of your life or at least not associate with them as much then start doing so. Believe me you will feel better when you get those out of your life that always make you feel horrible and your ideas stupid. I don’t hang around certain family members and have even distance myself somewhat away from friends and some all together.

What I really want to go into is this hate for Books like the Rules, Why Men Love/Marry Bitches, The Four Man Plan, The Technique of a Love Affair and any other book that teaches women that being or playing (if you don’t mind hard to get) keeps men who are geniunely interested, well interested. I think that it is true that most men don’t think that they would respond to the Rules in the way the book says and you have men who say they are flattered by being heavily pursed by women men (many are young though); however I think many know what they think of women who do chase them. See guys today have sort of a cash cow going on. More like a goldmine one big thing they can play on is using women’s guilt that The Rules and anything of the like is manipulating a man when the men know they are playing hardcore games on a woman. Taking a woman on a date to check out real estate anybody? The biggest culprits though aren’t who you think it would be. It’s not men. They are just benifiting from it. It is other women! I don’t know how many times I have seen discussions on the idea of being pursued by men being called manipulating a man and playing games (remember men are playing games). I get so annoyed at other women who try to guilt a woman for wanting to get married having children like I get pissed at baby mommas (girls not women (cause bw tell me straight up not to go there like they did when they were young ( Many again GIRLS have gotten mad at me because I don’t have kids and I want to finish school. I even told them I wanted to wait until finishing school before getting married or having kids (longer than I thought, but hey) most asked me if I had kids and why I didn’t Yeah I’m older than them in my late 20’s, but I still have hope of being married and having children. I don’t want to turn it racial, but bw must becareful listening to ww, aw,hw who also talk like this, because the next thing you know they will be married while you are still repeating what they were saying. I’d especially be careful if they are young. When you are young you are experienting with the ideas, values that your parents taught you. So you want to explore new ones. Many might do this in college etc., but seriously when it’s time to find the love of their life and get married (remember they weren’t taught that men weren’t needed, strong independent White woman, Asian Woman etc. The strong and independent most women from other groups are talking about is knowing how to take care of yourself so that if you have to you will know how) they are headed down the isle while we are still say IDM (hey doesn’t that look like Ideal Black Man? It’s not it’s I Don’t Need a Man. That’s another post) or what’s more damaging Nothing but a black man. Believe me AW aren’t like nothing, but an Asian man (now they might prefer them, but they aren’t going to go around telling it to everyone to show they are down) But do you think these women really want to have to raise children all on their own, be the one bringing in the money? Also be wary because many women who tell you it’s not big deal have the priveldge to say such things because they are either already married or in a culture that has a healthy promotion of marriage and know that they will to too long in the future.

When it comes to men who say things like the Rules don’t work and how many would dump a girl who did the Rules (because some guys really are clueless about how they would react, but don’t be fooled because some know what’s going on.lol) Really listen because these men are telling you something about themselves or at least the losers you need to look out for. Also listen to what is said about who they had a relationship with. I’ve noticed how men talk about how they dated this or that girl who cuses or smokes (I saw on a forum where a guy asked if it was a turn off because it was something that turned him off. Many of the men said that it was unfeminine and turned them off. Then you had girls chiming in that it was chauvanist how the men were thinking and all of a sudden you had men who were like I don’t mind if a girl cuses or smokes hmmm… (frankly I think because women started trying to guilt them for the opinion). Anyways to make a long short which is too late anyway.lol All of a sudden you have this influx of guys talking about how they don’t mind a girl who smokes or cuses and it’s a turn on etc. But get this most said their girlfriends, their ex girlfriends, a girl I dated, girls I’ve dated, I’m dating a girl etc. but none said my wife and that right there told me a lot. Mainly because when they did talk about their wives either in that discussion or throught out the forum I began to notice that many of those same men didn’t marry the women that pursed them, cused like a sailor and smoke or drank like one as well. Also on the flattery thing. I noticed that as well. I saw that on so many boards and offline discussion or interactions that I started to realize that women are in a weird state of denial.

Here you have a man who writes a good telling book like He’s Just Not That Into You, but who do bw go crazy over? Steve Freaking Harvery.

Sorry everyone this was more like a rant.lol

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4 Responses to “Stop, Watch, and Listen”

  1. Natakalo Says:

    I loved your rant and I agree completely!!! I feel like- as women- we’ve paid too much attention to what men SAY rather than what men DO. I love to see when smart women (like yourself!) let others know that we need to WAKE UP!

  2. sky Says:

    Excellent post. I’ve read “He’s not that into You” and that book opened my eyes and saved me time from wasting it on guy who weren’t into me. But I hated the movie i have to say that.

    I never read Steve Harvey’s book, because I always thought “why would I take advice from a comedian? and isn’t he divorced”. Espeically when he mentioned the woman’s body part as a cookie. I’m like uh-no.

    BW do need to be careful who they speak to in terms of love and marriage. I’ve actually had other bw look at me crazy when I said I want to be married by 30, I should looking for a husband by 27 cuz by then I should be somewhat established with myself.

    I don’t think many bw plan when they want to get married and how they’ll go about doing so. i think they have this “i’ll wait and if it happens it happens”. Nothing just happens, the majority of our lives are planned. We plan to go to school, to travel, to buy a car/apartment. You need to plan to get married by a certain age.

    I want to have my own family and children to share my wealth with. I want my children to live better than me so that they can pass my wealth, their wealth onto their children.

    This “wait and see” plan bw have needs to stop.

  3. bgurrl Says:

    @Natakalo I also think we have to be careful listening to other women. I get so tired of women saying that The Rules are manipulative and then going on about how it’s not fair to men etc. Sometimes the way these women talk it’s almost male protectionist. This could be black or white women. There was a woman claiming that The Rules is helping to create rape culture. How is the Rules teaching rape culture? Then the next thing you know these women are getting married and many times with the same methods.

    I often wonder if women do this as a way to stop the competition. I mean seriously making other women feel bad for wanting to marry up and then marrying up themselves etc. I think women black, white, Asian should critically think about the persons motives giving them advice or always criticising something. Black women especially need to start doing this. It’s like watch The Bachelor (catch it off and on) it’s amazing how those women (because competition for a man brings out the worst in us, the bachelortte is probably a better situation) pretend to be friends. They go on talking about helping someone to get to the end even if they don’t and then next thing you know they are doing something to get the girl off.

  4. Valerie Says:

    Excellent post! too many people, particularlya lot bw surround themselves with very very negative people. I want to get married myself and God has cut out a lot of negative people in my life, so I could pursue me getting married to the right man for me, what I have found, people who you used to see regularly and you don’t see them anymore, but when you happen to see them, they look so different and you are glad you are rid of them.


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