Baby Mother to Baby Momma


Fourteen children by 13 different women in Genesee County and more than $530,000 in unpaid child support.

Even in a county with $700 million in uncollected child support, Thomas Frazier may hold the unenviable title of biggest deadbeat dad.

After years of dodging support payments, Frazier was thrown in jail this week and given the choice of doing 90 days or coming up with about $28,000.

“This guy gives fathers a bad name,” said Genesee County Friend of the Court Jack Battles.

http://www.mlive.com/news/flint/index.ssf/2009/04/thomas_frazier_father_of_14_ch.html

You know I remember when baby mother/momma used to mean a girl or woman who was too young to be having a baby. She was usually a baby herself. Same with baby father/daddy. Now Baby momma means a girl or woman who is one of many mothers that a man has a child with. These women aren’t wives, but they are usually expected to take care of this mans kids, but also take care of him even though he has a harem of women all around the block, city hell who knows even the whole damn world.  Baby momma is a term not meant for married women.  So married women don’t call yourself a baby momma and don’t let anyone else refer that to you either.  Also wifey (another post)  I also think there’s a connection with Baby Mother turning into baby mommas as that many baby mothers/mommas are mostly young women and girls who have children by men having women with multiple women and young girls and women having multiple children with multiple men (damaging cycle that creates a whole new dangerous and dysfunctional cycle within the community and society as a whole.)

I am writing this post as a response to websites I was looking up when I was researching virginity in today’s world especially for those who are older.  It’s just sad that many women and men are made to feel they have lost out on something, something is wrong with them, they are sheltered, shy, not cute, or a more stupid one I came across in which a poster told a woman that she must never have been in love,because she’s a virgin at 30 and making love comes out of loving someone (please).  That’s a part of it, but why should a woman or man give something up because of what others think.  It’s funny that none mentioned maybe the woman (which is what most of what I was looking up was about) felt the need, or wanted to wait.  Not to mention the issues of pregnancy and STD.   One idiot even told the woman to just get on with it.  Even had the gall to ask what was she waiting for?  I mean seriously that’s her business!

What they also fail to consider is the idea of that special someone.  Which to me is utter crap! (another post)  Many women have given it up to so-called special someones only to get preggers (and maybe the guy stays for a while, even marries her) most of the time the guy is not around.  Then he goes to the next target and pulls the same crap on them.  Meanwhile she meets a new guy who does the same thing until she catches on and sometimes it can be too late (STD etc.)  Hell by most of the comments I saw I don’t think many should have been even thinking of having sex, because half sounded immature.

What many of these people making fun of women and men who are still virgins is that they don’t have the baby momma and non-baby momma drama that these individuals tend end up in.  I ain’t gonna lie.  I’m a VG and proud.  People make fun because I am older 29.  I watch my mom(my dad died and did somewhat help with his kids, but damn if that man wasn’t the ultimate baby daddy) and too many other bw, ww, hw, aw who ended up having kids too young, even older by men who liked to make them, but didn’t like to raise them.  I have friends, cousins, aunts etc. who had babies early and had to struggle.  From what I’ve learned over the years is that those who always harp on virginity are virgins themselves or get very little in the sex department so I don’t listen to them that much.  What is unnerving is this idea of promoting virginity as something weird in mainstream society in a time of STD’s (which there was never really a safe time. The American revolutionary soldiers brought STD’s to their wives when they came back from the war) pregnancy, drama that you wouldn’t believe etc.

I am so sick of white mainstream society picking up things that are dysfunctional within the black community and then adding it to mainstream society.  Why the hell would you want to pick up something that is dysfunctional and add it to your culture and then complain when you see dysfunction happening within your group?  Movies like (although funny need to not be made)  The problem with a movie like this is that the movie is making this seem as something normal and an alternative.  But see they are telling it from another culture’s point of view.  One that does not ascribe to the so-called bc’s idea of baby momma and baby daddy.  Because if viewers noticed at the end the man ends up with the girl at the end and they move in together in an apartment (that he worked for (he was a slacker) so that he could provide for his new family)  Who knows maybe they even got married later.  Not going to lie I have a cousin who this has happened to.  They had the baby first and got married a few years later, but it was always in the cards for them.  My cousins hubby is a very marriage and family minded and oriented guy.  That’s not always the cast.  Most of the time the woman ends up raising the kid(s) alone, working more than one job trying to keep food on the table.  Not to mention going to school while doing all of this.  Or they take the term like the movie (half the time not sure if they even know what these terms mean) and make it about what it’s not.

Now contrast this with the movie which was literally about a young girl who was a mother and her older sister (who she was raised to believe was her sister) who was in fact her mother.  Her baby father (2 kids by) was a singer as her aspirations was to be a singer as well and eventually that’s what she did.  The movie didn’t glorify it, it was only to open eyes to what is going on within the black community in Britan, the U. S.(indirectly, because we can mos def associate).  It also showed how this can create a cycle (the daughter didn’t know, but she was still in an environment where this is probably a norm for the young bw there.)

What is up with this culture that thinks that choosing to be a virgin is not normal?  What is up with this culture that thinks that being a baby momma is normal?  What’s up with the idea that there is something wrong with a black woman who wants college, career (or being a homemaker, that’s another topic) the dating, engagement, marriage, the home then the kids etc.

Actually looking at what I wrote; yeah I am a tad bit ticked.  Oh well!!!

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10 Responses to “Baby Mother to Baby Momma”

  1. Rei Says:

    I am a virgin at 28. Not because of the stereotypes of shyness, some bad experience etc. first It want to wait for marriage, but also with someone that I actually love, have feelings for. Most of the time though when a guy finds out I’m a virgin he doesn’t want to date me anymore. This has happened often enough that I’m starting to wonder about the whole men want a woman who has little experience or doesn’t talk about it, because it seems like they want to know you sexual history in today’s world. They seem to want a woman with more experience. So I’m starting to think if most of what I learned is a myth.

    Like you I’ve had my mother (my dad was a baby daddy too) cousins etc. One day my mom even joked about me not having sex still being a virgin. But all my life she taught me to stay one until marriage or at least until I find the right person. So I never understood why she would make fun of me around friends and family during parties or other gatherings.

    I don’t know I don’t really have a dating experience outside of high school, because frankly I was never really moved by most guys. The guys I did like were with someone or turned out to be complete losers are ended up being friends. I’ve had huge crushes, but nothings happened yet.
    Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I mean to still be 28 and a virgin!

    • bgurrl Says:

      http://www.guyspeak.com/blog/relationships/guyspeak-vs-lemondrop-are-guys-afraid-of-virgins/

      Guys who like to go on about that stupid and seriously made up Virgin Attachment Syndrome VAS (I can’t even find much, but two damn sites on google. Yahoo I found none) are usually immature fools. I mean seriously I’ve known girls who were virgins for a long time as well as those who had sex in the teens, and early to mid twenties and they never got clingy with a guy. In fact some of these guys got dumped and were the one with the Why Don’t She Want Me No Mo Syndrome. I’ve also known women who aren’t virgins who have gotten clingy after sleeping with a guy. So it depends on the person. Most to the time these guys (some of the personal experience) are always talking about a friend or a friend of a friend or their cousin etc. Barely ever about them.

      Frankly being that many of these guys said literally the same things, makes me question if they actually are telling the truth or know what they are talking about. I tend to listen more when many guys repeat something similar, because usually at least to me it’s an indicator on how guys feel about things, but when it just sounds like literally the same rehash or cliche (don’t know just a feeling) then I have a feeling the persons speaking bullshit. Same with women and men who use the excuses of why women shouldn’t do the rules or other such methods, about men or women being virgins or non virgins, religion(especially when it comes to virginity, this includes men as well) etc. So it goes both ways

      Anyways I’ve seen guys say these in forums even women (which I think women should be careful and learn to read to between the lines) many of these men who wouldn’t be interested or wouldn’t continue after the first dates are telling you what they were only thinking about anyway.

      And like you there are times I feel like maybe there is something wrong with me then I just realize I haven’t found the right person yet. We all go through downer modes when we feel we are behind others. There are many women who haven’t dated much in their 20’s even high school. So what!

      Also don’t feel bad about being a certain age and not having a boyfriend, not dating, not having a proper boyfriend etc. believe me you are not alone

      http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090528192952AAUyN8a

      http://www.dearcupid.org/question/will-he-think-its-weird-that-hes-my.html

      As for your mom you know I went through similar situations. I think that it has to do with the fact that many baby mommas are just that babies who are mothers. So when their kids turn 15-20 etc. they maybe 15-20 years older than their child and if they spend a lot of time with them might joke with them like they would their girlfriends. I’ve seen this not just with my mom, but with other cousins, friends in the same situation. Some times you have to tell them that doesn’t make you feel good and can you stop.

      Oh and just so you don’t feel it just happens to women because it doesn’t. This happens to men who are virgins too and are older or just virgin men in general. This society assumes that all men are like dogs and will hump anything with two legs. That’s not always the case. Some it never was a big priority, never had the opp, waiting till marriage or finding someone they love (some religious and some not) etc. There are women who have turned men down because of them wanting to wait till marriage. It wasn’t until I was older that I saw cases of girlfriends pressuring a boyfriend for sex in the way women say their men do it.
      The if you love me, or that’s outdated etc. So it goes both ways.

      Just try to stay out of the pity party mode. I know it does happen, but don’t let yourself get into that.

      People may say it’s strange to still be a virgin past a certain age, but look this up in google

      surgery to be a virgin again

      Reconstructive Hymen Surgery

      born again virgin

      I want to be a virgin again

      I want my Virginity Back

      revirginization

      Not saying to non-virgins that virginity is better or that something is wrong for women who’ve had sex. I’m just saying there is nothing wrong with those who haven’t like there is nothing wrong with those who have done it. From most of the girls I knew when I was young they always said that if they knew what they knew now (in the past they would have waited) this goes for older women too. Also many like guys who peacock are faking their non virginity to fit in so we never really know who is or isn’t anyway. That’s why you have to be careful. There was a woman who had sex during the sexual revolution in college, because she felt she was behind (the other girls talked about losing their virginity etc. and sexual freedom) she felt like she was still like a child. She had sex only to find out a few years later that most of those girls were talking some A-class shit.

      My point is it’s your choice don’t feel like you have to do something just because everyone else is. Plus it’s not always greener on the other side whether you are a virgin or a non-virgin.

      This culture has gotten so weird you have women being ashamed, because they are not virgins and lying about it to men they love and you have women lying about not being a virgin or just plain not telling a man so they won’t break up with you. You also have women doing this so they can become a non-virgin and just get it over with so they won’t have to be treated like some social misfit. Women being ostracized for wanting to be stay at home moms and women being ostracized for being working moms. I mean seriously what’s up with this culture?

    • Velouroyale Says:

      @Rei: Those guys are turned off by your lack of sexual experience because they are ONLY looking for sex. Guys focused on “sewing their wild oats” are solely concerned about who will be the best at giving them action in that moment, so all they care about is the amount of experience you have. Mature guys who are interested in settling down won’t lose interest in a woman simply because she’s a virgin. They tend to focus more on her character, whether she’d make a good mother for their children, whether she’d make a good life partner. He knows that, as a loving team, they would be dedicated to satisfying and making each other happy, and would have their lives together to learn to please each other, so he’s dedicated in investing in that.

      • bgurrl Says:

        Remember to read and listen between the lines. People use all type of lingo than just come out and say I just want some sex and you ain’t puttin out so I’m out.

    • ann Says:

      No offense, Your Mother sounds a bit immature or she really wants to brag about her daughter and does not know the correct way to be proud in public. You should speak with your mother in private and ask her not to discuss your intimate business in public and that encloses the family. Your Mother does not realize it but she maybe jeapodizing your Mother /daughter relationship.

      • bgurrl Says:

        Oh I’ve stopped discussing it with her, because she does that girl they family stuff. I have to be careful, because she is from that you talk back etc. comes slap etc. Love her, but I’m careful to tell her anything.

  2. Calpurnia Says:

    This is a good subject!!!! like, who wants HPV and other diseases?? I’ve heard HPV can cause CERVICAL CANCER!! in women under 30. Also, get your guy checked too,because,if he has it,you WILL GET HPV……………..dont have sex until the wedding night; period.

    • bgurrl Says:

      It’s a sad state when you have HPV ads targeting little girls. Most of those ads have teens. Maybe they are trying to say something about sexually active teens etc. Our governor even had the gall to make vaccinations mandatory for girls only to have parents backlash. I mean damn you are trying to give a drug to young people when you don’t even know how it will effect them.

  3. boomer babe Says:

    Speaking of little girls: Have you seen the vid on youtube of little girls in the ‘single digits’ looking like a pedophiles dream–looking like prostitutes? these girls are dancing to Beyonces vid–sigh THERE BARELY OUT OF THEIR TUTUS!! i think CPS needs to be called on their parents and teacher, but what can I say;I bet its worse other places ;they’re just getting exposure–they were on tv


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