Men Women and Growing Up! WOW!

The previous article in this series pointed out that the way men and women relate to each other affects not just their families, but their politics.  A man who’s assumed the responsibility to take care of his wife and children opposes tax increases because higher taxes make it harder for him to take care of his family.  A man who’s sponging off welfare women, in contrast, favors increased taxes so the government can pay more to support his harem of girlfriends.

http://www.scragged.com/articles/men-women-marriage-and-not-growing-up-1.aspx

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Are You a (Future) Wifey or a (Future) Wife?

Went to Zabeth’s Corner and saw this link on her tweets sidebar from Clutch Magazine Wife V Wifey

We Should Empower Other Groups Who Wouldn’t Do the Same! I think Not!

Anti-Empowerment

Doesn’t believe that groups should focus on their own empowerment. Does that make any sense? Why wouldn’t they? And for All of this everyone needs to help empower other groups whose empowering bw? Common Sense tells us that those that are from a group or culture have a vested interest in said groups upliftment and empowerment. They know the community, what ails it etc. Yes I can be a bit of an idealist, but there is a point where the realist in me comes in. We are dealing with real people not some imaginary world that we created in our heads. That means that all that we all need to work together, if only so and so would work together etc. It ain’t gonna happen! Wanna know why? Because not all people for 1 have the same values, cultural or other wise, interests, focus etc. To me this just reinforces the whole throw away what you are doing and do for others who wouldn’t uplift your ass if it meant getting out of hell. Now I am for helping other groups and empowering other groups, but in the same token they should be doing the same for us! As I recall this was a response to a dissagreement with a BWE blogger. Funny thing is he complains about black women or women of color fighting for empowerment etc., but doesn’t acknowledge that other women sure won’t help these women if they are high up themselves. Why would that would threaten the very high status they aleady have? Black women (especially) and other women of color know the racial dynamics of their lives within this culture.

Is Love Supposed to be Insanity or Is there More Than One Way to Love

                          Scientists are finding that, after all, love really is down to a chemical addiction between people




You can also find her videos as well as others like the Weinlicks (remember that one?) as well as some of the articles posted at Arranged Marriage TV which has been picked up to be a new reality series. I for one am interested. I just hope they don’t trivialize another cultures way of marriage or ideas of love. I think it’s about time for Americans to realize there are many ways to love and many different kinds of love. It’s time for us to reflect on how we think about love and marriage in this society. Just because that’s not how we may mostly think of it or practice it doesn’t make it any less valid.

He Makes me laugh. Does he make you laugh etc. Do you have fun with him? or is he fun to be with, are you attracted to him? Does/Did sparks fly? Every time you watch a movie, tv series, the web or even hear women in real life say this. When I was younger I thought yeah that’s a great relationship. Now I hear these things and it makes me cringe. You never hear anyone ask is he marriage material/minded, family oriented, a good provider, a good father or the potential to be a good/great father faithful etc. All we hear is this if he makes you laugh and you have fun with him etc. or you have butterflies etc. then you are in love. Oh and we can’t forget the always arguing.  It’s like that annoying, misleading clichéd saying about making love to that special someone. I remember reading this article which has since been turned into a book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough and thinking you know that’s true. Many women turn down great men because they aren’t Mr. Darcy which most forget is a fictional character (and that initially they weren’t too keen on each other. Their love grew) (love Jane Austen) and then dump him for some chemical reaction (lust) thinking it’s love. We go after the crazy dreamy love (that is really a chemical reaction that doesn’t last very long) vs. real love that grows and being in a relationship takes much more than butterflies which fades overtime. We go after bad boys (thug or non-thug) or the so-called fun guys. What I don’t get is why women past their mid 20’s are still going after bad boys well into their 40’s and 50’s or the non-bad boys always looking for someone better and not the great guy they have now who wants to marry them. I’m not married yet either, but I am surprised when I see our elders still acting in a way that we did in our early 20’s and I’m sure they did as well. Okay so you marry the so-called uninteresting non bad boy or fun guy. So that means if any fool off the streets makes you laugh then that’s a good enough reason to leave a perfectly good man for some dude because he makes you laugh or you have fun with him. Well what happens when you are married and the man doesn’t want to work or stick with the marriage when he finds out that your children have issues such as autism or other sicknesses or you yourself have a sickness? Where is he when the financial situation gets crazy. Sure he can make you laugh, you can have fun with him, but that’s no reason for a relationship with someone. I believe in love and all that, but I also believe in being realistic as well. Remembering that like you and I the person we are with are not perfect as well. And With the article above it does feel like the woman with the actor is settling. If she feels the way she does about him then she really shouldn’t be with him and find someone on her level. I believe that finding Mr. Good Enough doesn’t equate with marrying down. I don’t believe in lowering your standards, but finding quality men no matter the race, culture etc.

You Sleep With the Thug ; You Marry the Good Guy
Looking for a Husband? Date marriage Minded Men

I don’t care for her IR. Especially the one about not going white, because of political baggage and the other one IDK. Some of the other posts I question. But from what I have seen I do like these. It’s up to you to decide what you think on the rest.

Finding Mr. Right
Wise girls settle for Mr Good Enough

What gets me is that this woman Aneela Rahman matched these people, but instead of being thankful they refuse to except that she had a hand in finding them a mate. Yes their families, friends etc. helped, but she utilized what they knew about the person as well as her own observations to fix the matches between these people. Seriously the Wests inability to realize there are more than one way to love, be in love, find a mate, be married etc.

A book I want to read is First Comes Marriage: Modern Relationship Advice from the Wisdom of Arranged Marriages by Reva Smith. She talks about using some of the ideas of Arranged Marriage with dating or our modern dating. I believe in learning about different aspects of love or what others practice or ideas of love and marriage from all over the world. We don’t own the idea of love or that there is one type. I have nothing against arranged marriages. The only thing I would be against with such unions is a forced marriage (which from learning about arranged marriages is a stereotype anyway) now maybe that was the case a long time ago, but most don’t realize that arranged marriages in the U. S. or in other parts of west is nothing more than gasp matchmaking/maker. It’s like how todays personal ads etc. is a modern form of the mail order bride or groom in the U. S. we just don’t like to say that.

Someone else Robert Epstein has an interesting theory and not just theory (that you can teach yourself to be in love with someone, respect, value etc.) he has even worked to implement his theory and found that it did bring him and the partner he was with at the time closer. He even taught a class and his students said that it brought them closer to who they were with. Sad thing is that he has to come up with a theory that married couples I’ve known my whole life tell me this all the time. You have to teach yourself to love someone, appreciate them etc. because there will be times when you aren’t too keen with each other. There are times when you want to kill each other etc. It’s sort of like the gratitude rock that the Secret teaches you about. My screenwriting teacher told the class that the whole love bug (which is a chemical process) lasts about a year or two. So what you thought was cute like the way your boyfriend/husband, girlfriend/wife sneezes, or how he she looks when angry is no longer cute etc. The real ish hits the fan when the struggles like finances and kids come into play, illness etc. I used to think it was Hollywood, but as I thought about it Hollywood has always had those pie in the sky love stories, in plays and novels we’ve had Jane Austen with Mr. Darcy and Charlotte Bronte with brooding maybe not the most handsome Mr. Rochester and women still married men that fit the role of good provider, responsible, respectful, great father/husband material etc. Don’t get me wrong I think Hollywood or the new Hollywood is part of it. Think about it movies like Two Weeks Notice etc. in which a woman and man fall in love, and end up living together. They are doing nothing different from the people they broke up with before. Most of these movies never end with the couple being married. We are supposed to believe that these two people who fell in love over the span of a week will be together happily ever after. It’s funny because you had movies where the movies actually ended in marriage (yes they could be goofy, fantasy etc.)or a movie about couple splitting up they found a way to reconcile and get back together. I think many need to watch Old Hollywood movies, because they would have movies about divorced or separated couples or couples in crisis who worked to get the love back they once shared. I think the real part is society. Many self-help books telling women to have high stands (which are great) but some teach men and women to have expectations that no human can measure up to.  Also these books telling people to constantly work on themselves (which I suspect makes you feel like you are lacking things when you may not be).  There are times I feel that some of these books even make up things or keep with old ideas just to make money (gasp!  Really) So we have to be mindful who we listen to or believe.  You can take things we agree with and trash the rest.  You don’t have to take everything just because someone is trying to persuade you of an idea.  Use what works for you especially if you have results that have gotten you where you wanted or needed to be.  If those results resulted in something dangerous or other bad results for you then trash them, but if they are good keep them.