You’re Not My Preference, But Wink Re-post

This goes for eHarmony and chemistry (Ironic that it’s their ad about Eharmony’s rejections. This also goes for other dating sites.

This is a great post. And on that note I have something to say in regards to black not being checked on dating sites. I know some have stated that give a man a chance. Many white, Asian etc. don’t know black women may be interested in them, but I say please to that. I’m sorry, but if he didn’t check all or checked everything but black don’t be trying to wink or make any contact with me. The man has already stated that I am not a preference. He wants to talk to me there is something called editing your profile. Even then I don’t know if I will talk to them.

There is something about black women being encouraged to respond to men that do this on Eharmony and other dating sites that just rub me the wrong way. It for one makes us look like we will put up with anything. Think about it. These men would never have to say they have a preference for us, because they know we’d respond to give them the so-called benefit of the doubt. So you never know if they really have a preference for black women. Please not me honey! Better take that wink for someone checked on the box! If I see in the profile the blurb on what a guy likes and he goes on about dating ww, latina, asian etc., but hasn’t stated in his little blurb that he also would like to date black women or he doesn’t say has no particular preference I am not commenting. He better find someone else cause it ain’t bgurrl.

Actually that’s what gets me about Eharmony and similar sites. If it’s all about matching people on compatibility, likes, values etc. then why is race even considered? I mean what does race have to do with values. Now yes there can be differences from cultures and also the way a certain race is treated in society, but still many are compatible when it comes values etc.

It’s just something degenerating of a man who has preferences checked, that are anything, but black, but want to wink at black women. I say leave those men a lone. If they are genuine then as I said there is something called editing their profile.


I’m re-posting this because I have seen a few blogs and comments telling black women to take a chance even if he doesn’t have all ethnicities or black women check on his profile. Also when the guy mentions the women he is looking for. I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t want to nor see any other woman want to subject herself to this. As I stated before these men will learn they don’t have to put you as a preference. Therefore you don’t really know if they would have preferred you. They will now think “I can give this black woman a wink and she will respond, because they respond even when we don’t state a preference for them”. Sorry, but I’m just not up for that.

Frankly I wish there was a filtering dating site where if someone says they don’t smoke nor want a smoker they won’t see a smoker when they search a profile and vice versa for the other person. I’m not saying discriminate on smokers or non-smokers. What I am saying is there needs to be a filter put in place. If a man or woman checks a box saying they don’t mind all ethnicities then they will get not only a person who checked the same box, but others who checked multiple boxes (with their ethnicity checked) That means if a black woman checks all ethnicities and a guy hasn’t checked her ethnicity then she shouldn’t see his profile nor he hers, but they both should see the people who checked the all button (unless the person has written in their profile that they only want certain ethnicities (what they write in the what you are looking for section should be a filtering as well). I know it might be difficult, complicated, and maybe expensive process, but I think many of these sites especially these paid sites need to do this.

Until someone does this please don’t talk with anyone who winks at you, but has not listed your ethnicity as a preference. We will not be the back-up plan, booty call, hollaback girl, or go to girl for no damn body.


7 Responses to “You’re Not My Preference, But Wink Re-post”

  1. Valerie Says:

    There are many black women who have dated non-black men on these on-line dating sites and many have lead to marriage. I honesty believe, if you list the physical and personal characteristics you want in a husband, you will get it. My friend did and she is married to her English husband with blond hair and blue eyes. When we let God step in, and you believe, you will send you your heart’s desires.

    There is too much scare method, black women are least likely. The least likely people are married to black women.
    If you say several times, I attach men of all races, and they will come up and talk to me and go out, I bet you that you will find the next days, all men come up and talk to you.

    Black women are getting very quality men and peole are noticiing it.

  2. ARLYNE Says:

    Men vote with their penises. They like the woman they find attractive. You do not have to do anything with them. You can still choose who you want to see. Your taking the wink gives you more options. You are not being disrespected in fact he is showing you he finds you attractive. He is trying to give you a complement. Please BW stop seeing yourselves as victims of WM’s actions. They are human men who want the attention of a woman they like–you. It is a very competitive dating world . BW need to take advantage of every opportunity that comes their way. This is not settling. It is being empowered. You choose. If he is not suitable, you just move on. If this were a job, you would use every opportunity at your disposal to get ahead. You do not need him to include you as a preference (remember all the BM who do not want BW). You only need one man to prefer you.

    • bgurrl Says:

      This has nothing to do with just WM, but BM and any other man for that matter. If you keep answering winks from men who show no preference in their profiles; how do you know they are actually interested or know that they can wink at you and you will answer, because bw have been known to do it. That’s like the “give the brotha a chance” bit.

  3. Neecy Says:


    I agree. its pathetic and desperate for any BW to respond to a man who has checked everything but Black on his profile. Its like they are ashamed of admitting they find BW worthy of dating, but want to contact or flirt on the down low where no one else knows.

    I question the self esteem of any BW who thinks any man who does this is worthy of her attention and time. She will end up getting used in the end. Its like have some self respect and dignity.

    Also i think more BW should definitley sumbit the suggestion you posted to the datong sites. Maybe enough comlaints will get them to add that filter you were talkig about. its really sickening that this is happening on dating sites. let those losers see and wink at the women they are not ashamed to say they want to date. I may even write the dating sites myself, but i have avoided them altogether b/c of this nonsense.

  4. bgurrl Says:

    Sorry so late everyone. Been really busy

  5. Sky Says:

    I wish they would just not have the preference option there. In this day in age, it is just pointless. The only dating site I went on was I don’t know if anything has changed since I was on it, but there wasn’t any preference box to check. I imagine your picture should have caused interest and then you read what I am about, and if you like what you see, you email me or move on. Why don’t other dating sites just do that? That way there isn’t any confusion/doubt.

    One thing I did do on POF was to indicate that I was open to all men of all races. Needless to say I had more wm emailing me and maybe a handful of bm(who obviously didn’t read my profile & went w/ the hey shorty bit). Some even questioned what I meant by all races of men (playing stupid) I simply answered with the delete button.

    I can’t say if there’s anything to resolve in that matter. I’m trying to see it from a wm’s point of view as opposed to ours. If Im a white guy and all I hear from bw is that they only date bm and they are waiting on their black king, then I wouldn’t even bother try to get with a bw. However, if I come across a bw’s page and I hear a different tune on her page that she’s open, then I have enough confidence to email/wink at her.

    Let me just mention this…most men don’t know what they want until it’s in front of them. They can give you a laundry list of the qualities they want in a woman and marry the complete opposite. But if this type of behavior offends you, then don’t accept it, but if it doesn’t bother you then vet like hell! preference or no preference. Just my 2 cents.

  6. ink Says:

    How about the next time a man winks or writes one of you guys on these websites and dont have black women marked as their preference, ask them why they are winking or writing you if they don’t have that marked? And see what the answer is.

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