Never Had a Man! Say What?

“disclaimer just using this pic as visual. Not saying she’s never had a date etc.”

I have been wondering about this for a while. I have met many bw and know many bw online and offline who have never dated, had boyfriends, sex etc.

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/personal-growth/27-female-never-had-boyfriend-33952-3.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-34-and-have-never-had-a-boyfriend.html
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/im-30-and-ive-never-had-a-boyfriend-whats-going-on-162527/
http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/index.php?showtopic=543252
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/3556591datingPostpage2.aspx
http://neverhadaboyfriend.org/ http://neverhadaboyfriend.org/2008/07/03/an-introduction/
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts8244484.aspx
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14055453.aspx
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t146021/

Frankly what I find annoying with these discussions is people trying to play armchair psychologists. What is it with these idiots (and yes I say idiots!) who keep using the you’re hot, beautiful, drop dead gorgeous crap, so that doesn’t make sense why men are picking you up etc? Hell there are models who are hot, beautiful, drop dead gorgeous and have a hard time finding men that will ask them out, because they are intimidated. It’s funny how people like to say crap like that, but don’t think about the fact that just because someone is hot doesn’t mean that men will have the courage to come up to the woman. Or that these men are into the women. Hotness ain’t everything! Another one that seems to be cliche is the are you lesbian, gay, ugly? or Your standards are too high when most of them never said anything about high standards. What’s funny is when one guy tried to imply her standards were probably too high based on what her mother or other women told her etc. Most of the time it does seem to be the guys saying this. The thing is asking someone or implying they must be ugly for the reason they haven’t had a boyfriend or several boyfriends etc. by a certain age is just degrading and insulting and need I say ugly. Who is anyone to tell someone what too late is or when they should have relationships. What’s sad is when women say this as well. Apparently people don’t realize that not everyone is like them. Not every woman or man thinks they have to have a boyfriend in high school college etc. Plus what many don’t seem to realize is that the 1950’s are over. Women aren’t marrying straight out of high school like back then. Also maybe the person just hasn’t found that person to connect with. I think people forget that just because they had smooth dating and had relationships (which half the time I later find were effed up) doesn’t mean that happens to every one else.

If this is happening with many other women it just makes me wonder how much more it’s happening with bw. I am sort of wondering about this because I myself haven’t had many relationships. Many of my friends had lots of boyfriends in high school, college etc. and I had well none. Except maybe one or two in middle and high school. Seriously most of the guys were straight up eww! Love them they were friends, but listening to them talk about girls/girlfriends was a real turn off. Anyways after that I mostly just worried about school and actually graduating. Many of my friends and I mean most of my class either dropped out because of pregnancy, having to work to help take care of other brothers and sisters because a dad wasn’t around. My mom encouraged me to date, but most of the guys never asked well except for the losers. These same guys would make fun of their former and current girlfriends natural hair or straight or weave, braids, or dark skin or anything they could find wrong with a blk girl, but would want to ask out other blk girls out who many had the same looks. Not that I was only a bm type. I liked guys of every hue. Many of my bw relatives as well as bm would encourage us girls to keep our noses in the books and not worry about dating until we finished college. For me I was a bit of a late bloomer in some things. I was some what a tomboy (can’t stand that word frankly). I say somewhat, because I played with dolls like I played with Tonka trucks and video games.

I think one of the problems for bw and blk girls is the bc telling girls one thing then another. Telling blk girls to not chose losers, but then tell them to keep their noses in the books. How the hell will a girl/woman know how to chose a man if she is not dating until finishing college. Think about it just because she finishes at 21/22 with a bachelors does’t mean she’s done. Many go to get masters, phds and todays climate wants more. So that means around 25-30 now she is out trying to date after girls her age have already had the experience. Not to mention many blk girls/women are stuck at home, because mom and many others in the family put guilt on her for not staying and helping out. Helping with brothers, sisters, cousins (who they might have ended up with) other grandchildren that another kid dumped on them, parents etc. Sometimes I do think some black families try to stick their daughters in a rut so they can’t move on or make them feel like they are betraying them and the bc if they do (but that’s another story). Also yes I get asked out but sorry hey shorty or lil mama isn’t cute. Nor is it cute to try to talk to a girl while she trying to cross the street while you are in your car at a stop light. It sure isn’t cute looking at a girls lips and say ooh girl you got some nice hot lips mama. Yeah a guy told me that trying to pick me up in front of an H. E. B. as I was walking home from school. Tried to cross the street with me and everything. What’s up with these dudes?

This does somewhat worry me. Mainly because of this phenomenon the bc how will others take this. I haven’t had boyfriends galore. I hate being asked how many boyfriends I’ve had or sex etc. Frankly on the first date that’s just eww. And second it’s not the person’s business in the first place. Anyways I ask this, because (and I can’t say most of them were white, because I many didn’t have pics), but are the chances with wm or other non-bm who are going to come across women who’ve never dated, rarely dated, haven’t had sex, never been in a serious relationship (which frankly I question that one with the so-called more experienced ones too. I mean some women can go on 3 dates with one guy and say he’s her boyfriend) (I actually think this is becoming more common among men and women more than people believe). I mean I’ve read/talk to many have or would turn a girl down if she hadn’t had sex, never dated etc., because they didn’t want to train her (as if she’s a dog.lol) but then again you know right there he’s a fool. lol These fools would turn down a woman who rarely dated (never really had a serious boyfriend etc.), but wouldn’t turn down a woman whose rarely dated, because she’s been living with her boyfriends and spending her years with these time wasters. Both have rarely dated and just as little relationship experience.

Frankly though I think these guys are probably the losers that in the 50’s and backward would have been the ones left behind or marry women that were just as jacked up. I notice that it’s the men that make comments about these females, these feminists etc. these women this or that, but probably aren’t the desirables anyway. People don’t like to hear that, because it sounds harsh, but hey it is what it is. We have to get over the lets not hurt their feelings.

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7 Responses to “Never Had a Man! Say What?”

  1. creativeG Says:

    Today this old just dude tried to pick me up using a lame ass excuse of being helpful (walking dogs and it got hot) He asked my age. Uhh huh! (the fact that this man is older he should have known never to ask a woman’s age (I shouldn’t have answered, but felt like I would be being disrespectful to an elder.) That should tell any older men something. If I have to think of not seeming disrespectful to some dude (I was going to lie about my age) because I don’t want to seem disrespectful to an elder then you know your *ss is to old. lol What’s so funny is the I heard him say pitiful/pathetic (because I was (my age which is in my late 20’s next year early 30’s). lol, but then he caught himself and tried to be like that’s good. So many women (his meaning bw) have 8 or 9 babies by the time they are 29 or 30. He tried to play it off like, but I heard him say it was pitiful/pathetic before he caught himself. Then he proceeded to see if I was with anyone. Are you kidding me? What is it with these bm who are in the 50’s, 60’s trying to talk to younger women. They insult you and then want to talk to you. I bet if I would have said 18 or 19 his old ass would still be trying to talk to me. He asked my age (I know I shouldn’t have told him. Usually I lie and tell them I’m 16, but I don’t think that would have worked as It was in the day time on a school day.lol)

    • bwmm Says:

      Men like that creep me the hell out. I had similar things like that happen to me. A man in his 60’s kept trying to hit on me. Hell he hit on all the young women. Before that he was trying to see if I would be interested in his son.

  2. Valerie Says:

    I think that the women in question must know what they want and sometimes, there is too much energy put in us to pick up rubbish. There are plenty of decent men out and it is good that these ladies in question need to spend time with themselves and develop themselves.

  3. Pamela Says:

    I had to smile at this one. I married on December 18, 2009 as a woman that had two boyfriends in 1984 that I really do not count because the total time of dating for both of them was less than four months. The main reason I did not date much afterwards because my tolerance for stupid stuff (that no sane woman should want) was nil. I had grown weary of the dating process and decided not to for a time.

    I am old enough to be eligible for AARP membership. I went through the madness of being accused of having standards too high, being a lesbian and the like. After a while you just ignore their behinds and live your life the way you want to. I came to the conclusion that any man that said my standards were too high was a loser not to be considered.

    I was very fortunate to meet and marry a man that appreciated that I had not really dated even at my age. He understood that I felt what I had to offer was not open to just anyone. He was the only man that I have true chemistry with. I do not regret a day waiting for him. I sincerely refer to him as my lovely husband because that it the type of man he is. He is truly lovely in every way. Most women will find their prince at an earlier age. It did not matter to me the age because I wanted the kind of relationship that I now have. I was not desperate to marry. I enjoyed my life as an unmarried gal. I was determined to only married if the man added to my life. BOY WAS THAT PRAYER ANSWERED!!!!

  4. Pamela Says:

    I took another look a this post because when I posted I had only been married a few months. Now I have been married for over 14 months to my lovely husband. We are still having a wonderful time. The only bad day we had was when I thought iPhoto (on the Mac) had hijacked our iPhone videos taken in France. I yelled for over an hour. Poor man LOL He got them back for me. Yeah!!

    I tell women to not settle for crumbs. It may take a while to get to the man BUT you will be glad when you do. Most gals will find their prince a lot earlier than I did. I was not that proactive for reasons I stated in my previous comment.

    Keep blogging. Love the writing.

  5. Tia Says:

    I stumbled upon this post after doing a Google search on black women who have never had a boyfriend. I really enjoyed the post, and the comments ๐Ÿ™‚ I have to say I am one of those women–I am in my mid-twenties, a college graduate, and I’d like to believe I have a good head on my shoulders. However, I’ve only had one real boyfriend, while I was in college, and that guy ended up being a real douche bag, lol. I wonder what keeps good men around my age from approaching me. Recently I’ve only been getting approached by old guys. I think I’m fairly attractive, and I actually look younger, so idk what’s with the old dudes. But no guys are ever interested. And if they seem to be, they will either just be playing around or they will end up liking someone else. Now, I am a little shy, but once I know someone or if I’m just in a really good mood, I am open. However, I’m not one for games or crap, so maybe guys can see that? Anyway, good post! Thought I was rare amongst our women…good to know I’m not alone ๐Ÿ™‚ God bless!

  6. Taylor Says:

    Thank you for this post. I am in my late 20s and has never had a first date, kiss, etc. I can not express how thoroughly you have taken the words out of my mouth. I am single by choice. I have been accused of being all the above( lesbian,man hater, etc.). It used to bother me in high school because I felt like an outsider in that aspect but I got over that quickly and just enjoyed accomplishing goals and enjoying life. So, again a heartfelt THANK YOU.


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